the bipolar creative ? multifarious miscellany

My friend Andi wrote an excellent blog post questioning the argument that mental illness and/or substance abuse makes for ?better? creativity. She believes that by perpetuating the idea that addiction and illness boost creativity, we are devaluing the people behind the art. I agree with much of what she has to say, but wanted to offer a different perspective on the issue.?While I can?t speak on what it?s like to rely upon substance addiction, I can obviously speak from my own bipolar borderline experience. I?m not trying to paint with a broad brush here (no pun intended); I can only write about what I know is true for me.

When I was a kid, creative writing was my thing. From the time I could write, I was writing stories about anything my vocabulary could describe. Throughout middle and junior high school, my best grades in English were on my creative writing pieces. I was one of those kids that went to creative writing summer workshops at the local college. In high school, I completely stopped doing creative writing unless I absolutely had to. Now, as an adult, any writing that I do is more like what is found on this blog ? biographical and anecdotal? and I firmly hold onto the belief that I can?t do creative writing.

So what made me stop? It was around that time that I had my first suicidal episode. There was a cataclysmic shift in my brain that affected how and what I created.

Creating is not an every day, or every other day, or every week?occurrence for me. I go through definite spurts when it comes to creativity of any kind, whether it be writing, crafting, drawing, photography, you name it. And yes, I can definitely correlate those spurts to episodic moods. I?ve made mention on this blog that I can always tell when I?m depressed because I write more often. My drawing typically only happens when I?m manic.?It?s a noticeably different product when creating in baseline state than when creating in a depressed or manic state.

For me, personally, the desire to be creative fluctuates with my moods. It?s not that I can?t write or draw or photograph; I simply lack any sort of willpower to do so. I do believe that the ability to write and create lies within us at all times. But the mania and the depression? they provide that spark that ignites a fire of insight that isn?t normally there.?There is an energy, even when depressed, that allows me to throw so much more of myself into my writing or my art that is noticeably absent when I?m ?normal?. That energy is what this blog thrives on.?Perhaps the nature of my blog lends itself to more of the emotionally driven writings. Then again, it could simply be that I?m much more pensive when I?m depressed than when I?m at baseline.

Andi states in her blog that ?[w]hen we act as if the substances made these works, we not only devalue the people, we act as if it?s the substance that did the writing.? This one made me stop and think. For one thing, I?ve never considered anything I?ve written to be anything of real value? but this is a self-esteem and self-confidence issue. Rarely am I satisfied with what I create outside of my episodes for no other reason than ?thinking it?s just not good enough.?I could argue that without those substances or illnesses, that level of greatness might not have been achieved.

Honestly, I don?t feel devalued by the thought of someone claiming that my writing is made better or worse by the fact that I?m bipolar and borderline. For all the negatives that I often have to deal with, it?s nice to have at least one positive come out of it. I can give the ubiquitous face of mental illness a voice because I experience it. However, I don?t force myself into states of emotional deprivation just so I can write a touching blog post. Nine times out of ten, the emotionally difficult posts are born from a need for catharsis.

I can see both sides of the coin on this issue. I truly don?t disagree with Andi on the points she makes in her blog post. But on the flip side, I can understand the allure of drawing from the well of creativity when it is running freely. There?s a middle ground here, though, isn?t there? Or is this merely another instance of which came first: the insanity or the creativity?

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Source: http://beckami.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/the-bipolar-creative/

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